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Y’know, I actually agree with some bits of Kathy’s post… it’s just that she demonstrates a great deal of tunnel-vision. A constant diet of negative, pissed-off energy can mangle your perceptions. No question. But there’s a lot more to it than that.
First of all, as I’ve opined in the past, society isn’t so much about people as the interfaces between them… the friction you get from ideas and emotions rubbing together. Sometimes that friction causes a yummy tickle in the nether regions, sometimes it creates sparks in the air and mind, and sometimes it just fuckin’ burns. That has little to do with the underlying individuals, and more to do with the way specific personalities interact.
So if you keep getting the emotional equivalent of a Native American Rub from certain folks, it may be because they’re downer headcases… but it’s more likely that something in the interpersonal cocktail of interaction has gone bad. Stepping away from such people is one option, but it kinda denies you the opportunity to look at yourself and see if the ingredients you’re throwing into the mix are contributing to the foul concoction.
Perhaps more importantly, I don’t think Kathy is actually talking about “happiness”. Like “anger”, that’s a feeling that tends to come and go… they’re the crests and troughs in the sine wave of the human condition.
What’s really at play are more static things like “love” and “hatred”… of self, of others, of life itself. There are people in my life who don’t love themselves at all, and thus live their lives on the cusp of anger… but they love me, and are therefore invaluable contributors to the moments of happiness that I experience. Pushing such people away won’t make me a happier person. Period.
Sure, if I deal daily with a person who despises me and radiates negativity, I need to get as far away as I can. Such folks are saturating me with bad vibes without any balancing notions of respect, affection, or care. Negative feedback can help me grow, but only if it’s coming from someone who will at least acknowledge my growth when it happens.
But as Shelley has stated here in other terms, “happy people” can hate your guts as much as anyone. Their positivity may feel kinda nice on a superficial level, but it isn’t going to do anything to promote my own inner and outer affections over the long haul. And at the end of the day, loving me and thee is what’s gonna Make Roger Happy.
Or to put all of this another way: there is more in happiness and anger than is dreamt of in Kathy’s neuroscience.
04-19-2006 10:06:23AM - Permalink - Comment [4] - Trackback
category: Relationships
related topics: (love) (hate) (anger) (happiness) (society) (people)