Looking Back and Forward
from: Adventure, TheAdded: 2008-07-02 16:26:56.0 | comments: 13
Yesterday I looked back on my blog. Not all 64 pages of it, but a good part of it. I haven't been writing much of late. I am a lot stronger in myself than I've been in a long time. Someone recently told me I live inside my head and I guess that's still true. To quote a tee-shirt... "They know me there and it's okay."
I've been working hard to stay on the up-side of the glass. It is hard. People are suffering and it's getting personal. My neighbor was kicked out of his house yesterday. Others are working but not earning enough to support a home. I see myself ending up there all too easily and need to get something going before I deplete my resources.
I continue to work on myself and am now down 40 pounds!! All the other measures are showing good improvement as well. I'm just about "normal"! [g] I still have lots more weight to lose but I'm feeling good about it. It's an accomplishment, not a struggle. I still have some trouble taking care of some stuff, like getting mail into the mailbox, but it is what it is and I know the holes I dig for myself when I do that and the consequences.
I'm starting to crawl out and spend some time in the company of men!! wooohooooo. I know, that's a shock. I'm even back in the right community after realizing life with a sweet vanilla guy wouldn't cut it. All my parts still work when inspired by the right person. I'm going slowly, keeping my eyes open a bit more and just trying to pull down the walls a bit.
Simple Accounting
from: ann_c's JournURL weblogAdded: 2008-06-30 03:16:21.0 | comments: 1
I spent an hour this afternoon going over our finances for the past year. Good news this year, we're up a bit (even with paying for a college education.)
Awhile back I came up with this nifty system of tracking our income versus outgo. After great frustration in trying to figure out a budget and how much we are spending in each catagory (which was very confusing) I created a handwritten table that lists the amount of money we have in our checking account on the 6th day of each month, the amount of our monthly paychecks (this is the money we actually have to spend after health care, taxes, retirmement, etc) and the amount in our various savings accounts. Then I simply compare June of each of the past four years.
If there is more money than the year before, it's good news. All done!
Ann
Buffy
from: Less is MoreAdded: 2008-06-25 20:58:58.0 | comments: 6
Say “Hello” to Buffy. Born April 25, 2008. Stubborn and Sassy… I’m sure she would not think twice about taking on any kind of vampire!
(Yes, that's my cellphone next to her for size comparison.)
Catching up
from: steph's JournURL weblogAdded: 2008-06-22 15:08:45.0 | comments: 8
~o/Everything is beautiful.../o~
And it really is. Job is still great, and they still love me. They're spending money on me, and assigning me to increasingly responsible and important projects, and the CEO of our business unit knows me by name and stops to speak to me and ask me how things are going. People tell my boss, and her boss, what an asset I am. I'm even starting to get calls from recruiters, although I'm not looking and not interested. Pretty amazing how quickly a reputation can build. I'm completely focused on paying off the bills, now, which will take us some time but is now an achievable goal, which means that I may even be able to retire someday....
Jim is still trying to find something close to home so that he can be home at night, but he's still gainfully employed and they treat him well, so we try not to complain. All the kids are good. My Dad has undertaken yet another career, after retiring yet again. He's selling RVs, campers, etc. Seems like an odd choice in this economy, but he's making money at it and having a ball, and he's working because he wants to, not because he has to, so I guess you can't ask for more.
I even like our apartment. It's not ours, but it's big, and quiet, and the neighbors don't drive me mad. I love my new car. I love the CSA we joined, that brings us these awesome, fresh, local veggies every week and has turned out to actually be saving us money on groceries, since the grocery store prices have gone through the roof.
In fact, I can't think of one thing to complain about, on a personal level. Now, don't get me started on banking, or politics, or international relations, but heck, I can't do anything about those things anyway.
Here's my pet project at the moment: Micro-loans to entrepreneurs, mostly in developing countries but some here at home too, who just need a few bucks to try to get going. I LOVE that I can choose people to help and make a difference. I love that I can finance things that I think are important, and target places where I think I can make a difference. And I love that these are loans, not gifts. Not that I expect to get the money back, you understand - personally, I figure to do well if I get even part of it back, given the number of people who just never make their small businesses work - but I just don't believe that charity is the best way to help most people. And, I love that even just the few dollars that I can afford to throw in makes a difference to some single mother raising lamas in Peru who lives in a hut without plumbing. That money makes no difference to me, but it makes a world of difference to her and her business.
Let's see, what else? I'm working on something called the FLMI, I'm studying for my project management certification, I'm off next week to Informatica training, and in August to Business Objects training... I'm BUSY. I'm even learning to enjoy shopping. Well, my version of shopping - now that we live in a bigger city, I've found a store that is run by some society of Jewish ladies for charity that has these AWESOME designer clothes for pennies on the dollar. So, I can wear great stuff to work and nobody is the wiser that I got that $300 jacket for ten bucks.
Did I mention that I'm having fun now?
Courtney Benningfield Groves: 1986-2008
from: Big Damn Heroes (Living)Added: 2008-06-22 08:39:33.0 | comments: 8
I'm the oldest of the grandkids on my dad's side, named after the oldest kid, who died at 16 when a car he was working on slipped off the blocks that were holding it up. I always felt weird about that. Growing up, I was pretty sure my dad, his brothers and sister, and my grandmother had never gotten over Roger's death. Feeling like a replacement is... odd.
On Wednesday, the youngest daughter of my youngest uncle died when her motorcycle collided with an oncoming car. I hope no one tries to replace her, 'cause I can tell 'em right now: they can't.
She was 21 years old, married for three years (becoming Courtney Groves), and apparently as sweet as all get-out. I say "apparently" because I didn't know her. The last time I spoke to her, she was eight years old, sprawled in a chair and intensely bored by the work I was doing on her dad's new office network. One of her older sisters was more engaged... she was anxious to try playing one of those new-fangled 3D games. Not Courtney. Completely unimpressed.
Right around that time, dual issues in my life were converging... I had moved out on my own with my wife-to-be, and my social anxiety was ramping up to previously unseen levels. I was physically out-of-the-loop, and emotionally determined to stay that way. So I completely lost track of my dozens of cousins on both sides of the family, and said "fuck it."
That all came crashing back on me yesterday, when I made my first appearance at a family gathering in-- shit, possibly two decades. Here was someone I was related to, who I'm told was quite worth knowing... being memorialized. I'm 99% sure we would have had nothing in common beyond blood, so I doubt we would have been friends, but now we'll never find out. And that's on me.
The service was a bit strange, but it was a church with which Courtney and her family were intimately involved... so I guess it was what she would have wanted. All I'll say is that I wish they had spent more time telling me about my cousin and less time on the standard "life goes on" platitudes. I mean, eventually, life will go on. But on this day, why not let everyone spend some time thinking about what they've lost?
(FOR THE RECORD: At my funeral, I ask for these four songs: Good Riddance (Green Day), Come As You Are (Nirvana), The Other Side (David Grey), and Born for Love (David Baerwald). Absolutely no religious music unless it's some kick-ass oldie like Amazing Grace. No fucking suits. And if at all practical, a couple strippers and/or someone at the door passing out hits of X. I can think of no higher compliment to my life than the notion that my last wish got someone laid.)
Fortunately, they did have a really nice photo of her displayed on two giant, overhead screens, and I spent the bulk of the service just looking at it. Who was this person who shared some of my DNA, who had such a pretty smile, who was able to half-fill a huge auditorium with only twenty-one short years under her belt?
I'm sorry I didn't make an effort to know you, Courtney. It was my loss.